Dear ______

Why did you have to make that final debut into my life?

I don't understand.

I was doing fine before you showed up again.

I was great actually. 

I got over you so fast and was moving on...

Then you begged to come back into my life.

I gave you a second chance because I thought things could go back to how they used to be before all the crazy.

You reminded me of the special feelings I had for you.

 You got my hopes up again.

 You lied to me again.

I don't understand why I am having a harder time getting over you this time.

 I don't understand why I still love you after all this crap.

Whhhyyyy have you been on my mind all day?! Ugghh...

Also.. no one warned me of that silly side effect that comes with heartache.
I suffer from a case of the insomnia these days. 
I took a sleeping pill for the first time. 
It was in interesting experience, I tell ya!

Hmm.. Maybe this quote has more truth to it than I thought

This song must be a real breakup crowd pleaser cause I have seen it on like 3 other girls' blogs hahah



What you didn't realize is that I can be so much more than what you gave me credit for, and that you are missing out on the best thing you never had (I had to tie that in somehow haha)

4 am Thoughts

You know.. I have always had this natural confidence in myself. I have always been so sure of myself and who I want to become.  I know I am a daughter of God and that He loves me and has a plan for me, personally! I know that I have a sweet, special spirit about me.  I know that I am smart. I know that I am gorgeous, inside and out.  I actually really want to go on a mission, and I know that I would be a great missionary!!! I know I have a strong testimony. I know that whoever I marry is going to be the luckiest guy (not just because I am going to school for massage therapy, have my own massage table, and will gladly give my future husband a massage/backrub/scratch every night if he wanted =P ) but because when I am in a relationship, I invest 110% of myself into it.  I have so much love to give.  I know I will be supportive and understanding with the paths my future hustband decides to take (as long as they follow the direction of the church). I know I am going to be the best housewife I can be... obviously I'm no crafty Susie Homemaker.. but I know I will try to keep a clean house, and have dinner on the table every night. I am not the best cook, but I know I will fall into that wife/motherly instinct when the time comes.  Mark my words, blog readers. I will become confident in my culinary skills soon enough! I know that I am going to be an amazing mother. A day won't go by that I don't tell my future children how much I love them and how proud of them I am.  They will be showered with hugs and kisses.  They will always be reminded of the importance of the gospel.  My house will be a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God (D&C 88:119 --> feel free to read the whole chapter.  It's great!) I know that I will be full of patience and love.  I know that I could have influence on, and bring light and hope into alot of people's lives if I put myself out there. I know I can do anything I want to if I put my mind to it.

I lost myself this past year.  I know I lost alot of confidence in my potential...  It's funny what a boy can do to your self worth.  There is something so tender about trusting an individual so completely with every secret, every side, every detail, every complexity... It's tough when you invest everything into one person; let them share your heart and soul... only to have them lack confidence in your abilities and to shut you down.  Time and time again. It made me question what I was doing wrong.  Why wasn't I good enough when I was trying SO HARD?! I still wonder why... all I can do is pray, read my scriptures, let myself come closer to the Lord, and have faith that things will fall into their proper places (refer to my previous post)
It terrifies me at the thought of putting myself in that vulnerable position again in the future.  I am trying to regain my confidence in myself.  It's hard. I DO have faith though. The Lord gives us trials that we might overcome, learn and grow from them.  I have definitely learned alot. I also think this trial of mine is preparing me for something (or someone) greater.  Someone who will appreciate me, love me, and think I am perfect just the way I am.

I know that I am strong and that I have great things in store for me!!

BTW...

I have a boy on my mind...

Part 2

Part 2! 

There is difficulty with trying to remember the past month without pictures to refresh my hazy memory! Sooo... I will just tell you about the stories that come with my small collection of photos. 

Hunny caught a mouse! She was so proud of herself!

Tis the season to get married! fa la la la la.... I am blown away at the amount of people getting engaged/married!! I'm pretty sure everyone in my grade made it their goal to get married by the end of the year... and I just missed the memo. Oh well! I'm soooo happy for all my friends that are starting this new chapter in their life now =) 

Julie Hatch became Julie Duce on July 9th! Mike is a lucky man, I tell ya! 

I loved their cowboy theme wedding! The decorations and cake were fabulous! 

Seriously!! How gorgeous is this lady?! 

The Duces (with Mike's nephew)

Another thing I love about this season: 

Everyone gets to come home for the summer! I am loving all this catch-up with old high school friends! It's so fun to hear what people have been up to and their goals in the future!  

I got to play catch up with these Amazing ladies! I love them soo much!! I can't believe they are all married.. haha

Jordi and I had been craving to go fishing.  So on our day off from work, we set up camp out at old Ridge Reservoir with our lawn chairs, fishin rods, ipod, spitz and pop, Dennis the Dog equipped with his own  blanket and umbrella.... Nothin but style and class for Den Den! 

It's a good thing I'm a good co-fisher, because if it hadn't been for me, Jordi would not have caught this monster of a fish!! 

Jord didn't want to 'get his hands dirty' by touching the minos and sea weed, so I always made sure to put his bait on and clean off the sea weed that accumulated on his hook! I had gotten a couple nibbles and bites but hadn't had any luck pullin in any walleye. Jordi was getting bored at the lack of fish action and was about to give up, but I made him cast his line in once more!! (I even cleaned and baited his hook again) 2 minutes later.... This little buddy arrived! Fetch yes!! Oh... and then I had to be the one to get the fish off the hook and put it back in the water... a little fish slime never hurt anyone...

Hunny and I took a roadtrip to Magrath to watch Austin play some softball.

gettin ready to hit one of many home runs of the game

you guessed it. Homerun!

Amanda is moving to Japan for a year!! We had a going away party for her. How fun! 

non-alcohol celebratory orange juice shots! haha

It was funny because Jen bought a round of fake shots for everyone.  There was a few LDS people there and you should have seen their faces when the server started passing them around. hahah it was pretty priceless. Jen had to assure everyone that they were JUST orange juice!! ...the skepticism on everyone's face was very apparent. hahah 

Amanda in her little Japanese dress 

Me, Amanda, Jen

Brandon and I went fishin at Corner lake in Raymond for a bit.  We were using out secret fishing tackle weapon.  Brandon lured this stinky pike in and I snagged it! Succckaa!!  

Two of my old Magrath highschool buddies, Gregg & Ethan, just got home from their missions and had their homecoming talks this last sunday.  Let me tell you... these guys are sooo amazing! You could just tell by the way they spoke in their talks that they LOVED their missions and the people they served.  Their testimonies and love for the Savior is so strong that it made their light shine so bright! I am just soo proud and so happy for them!!! 

just a little friend and family BBQ at the Karren residence 

Bethany, me, Ellen (we love her!) & Ali

The best friend Becky (everyone check out her blog because apparently she has a "stellar post in the works" ... no pressure Sparks ;) )

I love these ladies! So much! 

The fabulous sunday afternoon kinda took a turn for the worst, when I was informed that my Grandpa's wife, Edna, passed away unexpectedly.  How lucky we are to have the knowledge of the atonement in our lives! We have to look past the tragedy and realize the great blessing that the Lord provided for us. 

I took Ashton over to my friend Jared's house to play some driveway hockey while the adults were discussing things. Ashton loved every second.  He made sure to give us a highfive every time one of us scored, and scrunched his face and did a little "oooh good try, Amy" every time I missed the net (which was alot) Ashton was fast friends with "Jarob" and his hockey net. 

Man.. I am so blessed with amazing friends! Valena Bevans has been my rock this past year. I can't even begin to describe how much I appreciate her always being here for me during this interesting stage in my life!

She came out to visit the working hubby me in Raymond last Monday so we took my nephew for a bike ride as we rollerbladed.  Valena + Me - rollerblade skills = Fail

It's been about 30 years since either of us have been rollerblading.  So of course there were alot of close calls as well as alot of "Ashton! Slow down! Wait for us!!" As my 4 year old nephew with training wheels left us in the dust! 

We went to visit Valena's Shawn at work, where he was driving the dump truck. Ashton was so enthralled with all the machinery (although he refused to go for a ride with Shawn's brother, Rob, in the Bobcat, saying "No... I can't drive yet cause I'm just wittle. I will drive when I'm big".) His face expressions were pretty priceless as we watched him eyeing that dump truck! 

Then Ashton took us over to "Jarob's" house all on his own! He remembered exactly where to go and which house was his (a 4 year old better at directions than I am? Surprising?... probably not)

Valena ("The girl with the funny name" as Ashton put it) was assigned to be goalie

Ashton actually has a pretty hard shot for a 4 year old! He told us he was going to play on the "Red and White" Calgary flames team when gets big.  That's ma boy! 

Ashton as a goalie, offensive player and a coach (last 3 pictures)

The rest of my week has just been busy busy! With work, soccer, babysitting, funerals, weddings, taking care of my puppies, running errands for the gas station... Life definitely hasn't been very dull, that's for sure! Meh.. I like it that way though! 

Anyways... That's my month is a (very large) nutshell 

Love ya'll! <3

The Test, the Task, the Commandment

The great test in life is obedience to God. 

The great task of life is to learn the will of the Lord and then do it.

The great commandment of life is to love the Lord...

We must put God in the forefront of everything else in our lives...

When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper places or drop out of our lives. 

Our love of the Lord will govern the claims of our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.

(Ezra Taft Benson "The Test, the Task, the Commandment" 1988)

Month in a (Very Large) Nutshell

Let's see what I have been up to for the past month:

First off... I LOVE my family & friends!! Life has been so great being back in SoAB!!

I hung out with these yahoos

The boys have a book where you can decorate the people's faces and make them look really silly... sooo we took it to a new level and decorated our own faces instead! 

There was a capture the flag YSA activity out at Writing On Stone.  If you can believe it, this was my very first time playing! yahoo!

Chasey and me on the way to Writing on Stone.  Chase just recently got home from his mission! It was so great to get to hang out with him all day and be capture the flag buddies! We are so hardcore! 

I love this place.

Can't escape the hoodoos without leavin a piece of ya behind.  I was actually scared for my life while playing capture the flag in the hoodoos.  I mean, you're sneaking around, trying to get close to the other team's flag, but when they spot you, and start chasing you.. you better hope that your depth perception and footing don't fail you.. otherwise I'm pretty sure you could fall to your death in some places! This guy was chasing me and as we were jumping from rock to rock, I could hear him repeating "Please don't die! Please don't die! Please don't die!" hahah 

 These guys are some hardcore hoodoo climbers! 

I'm playing on 2 soccer leagues this summer.  My women's league for my 3rd year, and then I got recruited onto my friend Jordi's Co-ed league.  It's pretty much been the highlight of my week to be able to play soccer twice a week and to hang out with a bunch of old Magrath buddies again.  Speaking of Magrath buddies... guess who's home for the summer! Connor! He's playing on my soccer team too! So after our game, we went to see the Green Lantern for Kyle's birthday on June 21st!!  

Kyle's representin with the Green Lantern shirt!

 This boy needed a birthday smooch cause he's the BEST!! Seriously.. Kyle is one of the nicest guys I have ever met! I'm so glad I got to celebrate this special day with him!

took my pups for a swim at old corner lake!

 One of my old highschool friends, Gregg Karren just got home from his mission in Washington

 We went to a movie night at another friend's house a couple doors down later that night.  They had a big projector screen outside and everybody got to snuggle up in blankets on the lawn (we snagged the trampoline! snice!)

 Horseback riding with Chance! We had a really good time =) 

On to July 1st!! 

I had to work. bleh. BUT I called in and told them I was coming in late so I could watch the parade at least! Turns out I didn't exactly get to watch much of the parade... 

I made the mistake of feeling sorry for my puppies that they had to stay home when all these festivities were going on! Soo I took Hank and Hunny to the parade.  Hunny still gets super excited when she sees people and thinks that everyone in the world is here to play with her.  Hank doesn't need a leash cause he's usually a good dog.  So picture this.  I'm wearing a dress and a scarf that is threatening to blow everywhere because of the typical SoAB wind.. I'm trying to keep from flashing people as well as trying to keep my scarf around my neck.  Hunny is ripping my arm out of my socket because she is SO excited with all the people everywhere! Hank is running around in people's yards and completely ignoring me when I call him! People are laughing at me and cracking jokes like the typical, "looks like your dog is taking you for the walk! Gaphaaaw!" Mid death glare to comedian bystanders, and another person says with disgust, "Ugh! Is that YOUR dog taking a crap in my flower bed?!?"  JUST GREAT!!... I made it a block and a half. Comedian bystanders continue to crack jokes as they see my walking back to my car! 

I put the dogs in a timeout in my car, and rushed to where my family was watching the parade.  I saw a total of 7 floats and got 4 candies before I had to head to work. hmmph! 

Good thing she's cute...

Work was RIDICULOUSLY slow!! I had to miss the rodeo, family BBQ, and all the other July 1st festivities. But you're right. I had sooo much more fun standing around in a 10x10 shoe box =) (jk I really do love my job) 

After work I hung out with the fam for a couple hours

Then I hung out with these yahoos.  

Roping is our new favorite pastime! Only in Raymond can you chill in the middle of the road and rope a fake cow for hours on end. It's totally the normal thing to do! 

We actually ended up missing the fireworks because we were having too much fun ropin and blastin some T-Swift!

Next big event:

Waterton with the fam! 

Momma G

My main man, Ashton

Nickers and Noleypoley! 

I love my family!

Nixon and Nolan made quite the mess with their ice cream. spillin it ALL over themselves!! All we could do was laugh and take pictures. hah! 

Typical Big Scoop ice cream stop

I love my nephews 

I "ruined" their picture when I jumped in behind their little photo op session... so they jumped in to ruin my self portrait! the nerve!!

My little Ashton! Love him! 

He was pretty excited at how close this little critter would get to him

What's a trip to Waterton without getting the infamous  Cameron Falls

Well, I'm just going to post this.  Don't worry... I still have a "part 2" comin your way!!  I still have like 2 and a half weeks worth of blogging to cover! my goodness! Where does the time go?!